Ever had that "still small voice" prompt you to do something and you found yourself arguing with it? You come up with every excuse and rational thought as to why you shouldn't do it. It happens all the time but every once in a while, I find that I'd like to kick myself in the rear for not listening.
Sometimes that voice is just relentless until you give in and do what it tells you to. Sometimes you just ignore it and sometimes God will show you just how wrong you were in ignoring it. That's what happened to me. All week long, God has been prompting me to call a dear friend just to chat. I rationalized that I would be bothering her, that I would just have to "hear it" because I moved without stopping by to see her, it just might upset her if I called, I didn't want to lie to her and tell her "I am fine", I didn't want her to worry about me, yada, yada, yada. The mind chatter went on.
I was busy this week with VBS and still dealing with my own physical infirmities and really didn't feel I was up to calling and swapping the physical "war" stories of our deteriorating bodies. I felt guilty because I didn't go to see her before I moved. The list goes on. Tonight I came home from VBS (Vacation Bible School) to find out that she passed away. I cried. Not because she died, after all she is in a much better place and she no longer is in pain. She's dancing on streets of gold with her dear hubby who passed away a few years back. She's been sick a long time and it wasn't a complete shock, after all she was up there in age. No, I cried because I didn't listen to God.
I will never get the chance to call her and listen to her distinctive voice say "I love you, baby." I will never get to tell her again that I love her. Oh she'd understand, she was one of the most forgiving people I've ever met. I can almost hear her now, saying "don't cry, baby. My old body was tired, that's all, and I know you loved me. I just couldn't hold on anymore. And ol' George needed me up here with him."
As I sit here, I realize how stupid all my reasons for not calling really were. You would think I would have known better. I've lost way too many people in my life to not know that when God prompts you to call someone, you better do it. There really was no good reason, I just didn't listen. And that's why I'm crying. It's not about tears for Frances, not at all. I'm happy for her because she's exactly where she has longed to be her entire life - in Jesus' arms. Tonight at VBS we had several little ones accept Christ into their hearts and she had a front row seat in the celebration in heaven. I know she is smiling that gorgeous, warm smile of hers and nodding her head in approval.
I am just so sorry that I didn't listen when God told me to call her. I'm sorry I didn't go to see her before I moved and let my mind conjure up all kinds of scenarios that would certainly never have come true. I'm crying because I let the enemy win this one and I'm crying because I know that I will inevitably let it happen again. I thank God every day that He sent His son to pay for my sins and that all my shortcomings were nailed on that cross with Him. It's just hard when you realize that you've just driven that nail one more time into those innocent hands.
I just didn't listen....
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