Big Decisions

As most of you know, our house is scheduled to be auctioned off August 4th. Now some of you may think that we "deserve it" for not paying our mortgage. But let me explain how we got "here". It all started way back in September of 2009 when Oliver came home and said he lost his job. We were both devastated but we figured we'd been in this situation before and gotten through and we'd do it again - with God's help. So we tightened our already frugal belts and lived on the $250 unemployment a week, subsidized by our savings and credit cards to try and buy some time until Oliver could find another job. Despite his attempts, as you know, he has not found anything. We've tried selling Pampered Chef and even tried starting our own catering business - with great acclaim but no income from it. Most times we didn't even break even, hoping we could use it to build business but those costs went on our credit cards. So as the credit card balances went up, so did our monthly payments. Not the best thing to do but we really didn't have a choice. For over a year, we managed to stay "afloat" that way. Finally we knew we were running out of options. Savings was gone, credit cards were perilously close to maxing out and Oliver wouldn't be eligible for social security for a couple more months. So in Nov. 2010 we contacted the bank to see if they would be willing to work with us and "move" two payments, preferably three, to the end of our mortgage and then we knew we'd be fine. They said there was nothing they could do because we weren't behind - yet. So we didn't make the Nov. payment, which was due the first but we had until the 15th with no finance charge. On the 16th of Nov. - ONE DAY after it was officially late, the collection calls began. We explained that we just had to wait until the social security checks came through before we made a payment. We still needed to pay my COBRA insurance and utilities out of the $250 a week and even in TN, November and December get cold.

The collection calls were 5 and 6 times a DAY and they were extremely threatening and mean. We told them that we'd make a payment the very day the social security check was deposited in our account. Needless to say they stressed me considerably. Finally after a couple of months of this - even after we did make a payment as promised the very day the social security check was deposited (on 1/6 we paid the Nov. payt.) - someone told us that we could send in a "cease and desist" letter to stop the harassing phone calls. This same person, who turned off the recording to give us this "advice", told us to stop making payments and that after we were about 6 months behind, government programs would kick in to help us out. We checked on this and the info they gave us was true. So after we made the Dec. payment on Feb. 1st, we stopped making payments altogether but still left numerous messages for someone to call us back. In the meantime, we looked into selling the house but we found out the house across the street from us sold for $50K less than we'd have to clear to break even. That on top of the declining property values made that option impossible. Even if we could sell it for the price we needed to, odds were that it would not appraise out for that figure.

On July 5th we received the notice that the house was scheduled to be auctioned off Aug. 4th. The FIRST communication we've gotten from Suntrust - they never have returned any of our dozens of calls. We found out info on that notice letter from their lawyers about the government programs that we might qualify for. So we chose to apply for the Save My Tennessee Home one. We spent a couple of days getting all the info we needed and filling out their lengthy forms. Yesterday we sat through a 5 hour class to learn more. Everything is still in process but we found that it will take them at least 30 days to get it into the program and then another couple of weeks for approval. Um, Aug. 4th will be here much sooner than that. They told us to call our bank and ask for a 30 day extension - which we have - but the bank said they'd have to get back to us, so we wait. The financial counselors leading the class also said that sometimes when your house value has dropped significantly enough to not be able to increase within 5 years back up to what you owe - sometimes it's in your best interest to walk away. To go with the program, we'd have to live in this house for at least 5 years or pay back everything they help us out with, which locks us in here, because the house value will not increase enough to pay them off and the mortgage. Will I even be alive for that long? Is it fair to lock Oliver into it all by himself for that amount of time?

While we did get valuable information at this class, it was really depressing too. There were people there who were just "playing the system" to get their mortgages paid by the government. It was sad really. One couple in particular admitted that they aren't making payments on their car (Chrysler 300 - nice car) and aren't paying the insurance. They decided to file separate tax returns and put the house in only one name to hide assets, etc. and the counselor did not even bat an eyelash but instead showed them how to adjust their budget so that they'd qualify for the program. Even told them not to include any income they make "on the side" so that it looks better on paper. Oh and the big kicker was that they didn't have all their paperwork filled out because they had been on a cruise... um, yeah, good thing my Buford Pusser bat was safely at home. The other counselor was telling another couple to just lay back for the next year and take the free payments - not to be in too much of a hurry to make things right. "Why turn away free money?" We just shook our heads. All we got was a "contact your bank" and a smile. Um, yeah, we've been TRYING to for months.

The biggest problem is this - we have a VA loan. It makes my blood boil when I think that Oliver got shot for this country to receive those benefits - which basically let us buy a house with no money down. Because of that, we are having problems getting government help. We qualify under every bit of criteria - we had a drastic drop in income (over 30%, um yeah, let's try 80%), we had to be ontime with payments up until that event (yep, always), we have to be in arrears (we are now), etc... every single one of them we passed. And frankly, according to all the financial advice we had ever heard, we had done everything "right". At the time of Oliver's job loss, we were one payment from paying off the credit cards (including our move), we had 6 months of living expenses in the bank (just in case), we are frugal people and good stewards of our money, etc. and yet none of that has made any difference. We don't WANT to have the government's help. I hated having to apply for disability almost as much as I hated being denied. We hate having to apply for assistance to have a home to live in but hate even more that the bank won't even talk to us. On paper, it makes sense for them to let it go into foreclosure... they get immediately 40% of the note from the VA and they auction the house off and get the rest. They get 100% of their money back - no incentive to work with us. If we'd have been able to talk to a person at the bank, maybe they would. We haven't even been able to let them know that I've been diagnosed with a fatal lung disease. It's not that we're not willing to pay on the house, we are, we just need a little help here to lower our payments to be able to bring it within our budget. We didn't buy a house way out of our reach when we bought this. Actually our monthly payments decreased by over $500 a month over what we paid in Chicagoland. We both drive old, paid for cars and are extremely grateful to have them. Oliver's is on its last leg but so far, still hanging on, with spit and bubble gum.

So here we are. Do we start packing because we have to be out on the 4th? Can't even get an answer on that. Do we sit tight and hope that this program comes through and the bank accepts? They'll help us for the next year and then we can reapply for a mortgage break with the bank - but of course, we'll be right back where we are now because they won't work with us to lower our payments and let's face it, Oliver is not getting younger. Do we cut our losses now and just walk away and move down by Elii to spend time with him while I'm still alive? That is IF we can get someone to rent to us now that our credit is shot. My heart wants to be near Eli, no doubt. Ideally we'd love to be able to buy a house down there, but that won't happen. If we walk away, they said we'd be able to clean up our credit in a couple of years - time that I just don't have. I did find a house for sale online down there that I absolutely LOVE and that we would be able to afford - with a pool, but we can't get a loan - duh. All that does is add to the frustration. Rentals have become slim pickings for two reasons... one, Eglin Air Force Base is moving in a couple of hundred troops a month for their 7th Special Ops forces and two, there was a lightening storm that came through last weekend that burned down a dozen homes and all those people have to be put up for 3-6 months while their houses are being repaired. Plus we won't have time to get down there and look ourselves if we have to be out of here by the 4th. We have way too much packing to do, despite our best efforts to have pared down over the last 2 years of garage sales.

So far we have applied for social security disability for me - denied: food stamps - denied (Oliver's social security is $50 a year too much to qualify: programs to help with the house - still pending but we're running out of time: TennCare (health insurance for me) - denied but am reapplying: can't qualify for any other government help for me because I was denied social security disablity and was told I can't reapply for again until I'm 65 - I won't be alive for another 10 years, unless of course, I've been totally misdiagnosed and/or God decides to give me new lungs (which I am believing for).

So here are the pros and cons of each "move"....

Moving to FL pros:
Eli, Dan and Kim
my cousin Nancy (she lives in Pensacola)
Kim's family (we love them too and consider them family to us as well)
family holidays (which we haven't had in years)
the beach
warmer winters
Renting (less responsibility and most definitely smaller yards)
the yardwork on over an acre here in TN is overwhelming and I can no longer help - inside or outside the house
we have a couple of churches to choose from to go to and people we already know
restaurant choices - like REAL food... lol. (hey, you live in the boonies for a few years and you'll see what I mean)
Shopping besides Walmart - especially for groceries (ok that's a BIG pro... lol)
I can get my Mango Apricot Yogurt there (hey, I like it)
We'll still be able to see some of our friends from TN when they come down to visit (they go there already for vacations)
More craft shows to sell my jewelry
More possible part time job opportunities for Oliver (and family around to keep an eye on me if needed)
Local airport (no more driving 3 hours to pick up someone who comes to visit)
cutting our losses and moving on? probably - either way, we've lost on this house
Oliver will have family support if by some chance I don't get my healing and this ol' body gives out

Moving to FL cons:
expensive and finding a rental that accepts pets (can't give up Charlie - no way - he's family)
having to actually pack and move
losing all the money we have invested in this house and probably more
utilities and gas will cost more
the cost to actually move down there
hurricanes (not a big deal but a consideration - mostly due to power outages and my oxygen needs)
we signed a commitment to buy this house - we'd be walking away from that commitment and that's not us
we'd miss our church family and the exciting things happening at FPC
we'd miss our trees and greenery and openness
we'd miss our one stoplight town that we love so much and the people we have come to know and love
we'd miss this house, which is our home, and all the hopes and dreams we had hoped to experience in it
having to find new doctors although I can probably still travel to Vandy every 4 months if NEEDED
Traffic and a lot more people
much noisier with the planes and traffic
having to change over licensing of vehicles, etc.
the cost of car insurance is higher
the time factor - it's just too fast and I still don't feel well enough to handle it all RIGHT NOW

And these are just some of what I came up with off the top of my head. It's a tough decision, for sure. My heart wants to be by Eli but my head isn't so sure. I don't want to hurt him by coming into his life just to leave it again. I hate that we'd be trying to get out of a legal commitment. While we haven't done anything wrong up until this point - none of this was by erroneous choices we've made - that will change if we walk away without fighting. It may be already too late and out of our hands. On August 4th the sheriff may show up knocking on the door to move our stuff out on the dirt road. Stressful? You bet. Impossible? Probably not - but it will take a village of help to pull it off.

So now you can see why your prayers are so important. I honestly can say that I feel like the paralyzed man in the Bible that had to rely on his friends to bring him to Jesus' feet. I don't even know what to pray for. We've played by the rules all our lives. Good grief, I've only had 2 speeding tickets in all that time and not one parking ticket. Those same rules are doing us in. And then there are the prayers - half are praying for us to stay in TN and half are praying for us to move to FL. I feel like we're living on the 50 yard line of a Nebraska/Ohio football game and it can go either way... Which prayers are God listening to? We're tired. We should be entering a life of retirement and enjoying the fruits of our years and years of labor but instead we are struggling to just make it day to day. We can't travel, we can't afford to. All those vacations we didn't take because we didn't have the time and we needed to work, figuring we'd be able to make up for in retirement are just vacations lost. All those companies we gave our time, blood, sweat and tears to are nothing but distant memories. Are we down? Oh yeah. Are we out of the race? Not on your life. We are so grateful that God is still in control and we know that He already has the answers. Our biggest concern is that we hear His still small voice and act accordingly. Thanks again for "listening" to my rants and for praying for us. I don't like sharing my business and deepest feelings and emotions out in the open like this. For whatever reason, that is exactly what God is asking me to do right now and the last thing I want to do is be disobedient to Him.

We all have stereotypical beliefs on those who seek out government assistance. We call them lazy and figure they're there because of their own bad choices. I'm here to tell you that while that may be true in some instances, there are a whole bunch of us out here who are not in this position by choice. We are too old to believe that things will turn around for us or that we can make up the difference of funds lost. We were always told to work hard, be loyal to the company you work for, put in your time, pay your fair share, don't live above your means, and save for a rainy day. All things we did and yet here we are. We cringe when the email jokes come through and we cry at the unfairness of the system that we worked hard and paid into all those years. We wonder what kind of world Eli will grow up into. We would still encourage you to play by the "rules" that we have all our lives. It's strong financial advice. But please, don't look down on us for falling on hard times. "There but for the grace of God...." Be blessed, we are, even in the midst of this storm.