I wasn't born with the football gene. The men in my family were born with it - or more accurately - the Bears gene. I was a very young tyke who got shooed out of the room on football Sunday when the beloved Bears came on to play. I always wanted to learn about this mysterious game but none of them could take the time to explain while the game was on. Of course that only lasted until I was 5 years old and my dad moved out. Then football was banned from the house, although baseball was allowed to stay. So I grew up not really knowing a thing about football and wondering why seemingly grown up men would fight over a little piece of pigskin that each of them could go buy down at the local Toys R Us.
And so it was with compete naivety that I got married to a football fan-atic. And I mean fanatic. We had to have three tvs set up in the living room so that we could see the action on each of the games going on simultaneously. I have to give the hubmonster and his friends credit though, they were very patient in explaining the action to me as it was happening. I was not about to spend the rest of my life banished to the bedroom on Sunday afternoons, listening to the action in the living room. I learned about offense and defense and their moves. There were times of miscommunication, like when they were talking about tight-ends. I would focus on the well sculpted rear ends of the players - regardless of their positions - and found out that the tight ends they were referring to rarely lined up with the ones my eyes were drawn to. All in all I caught on pretty quick. Another slight glitch came the first time I made a bathroom run between quarters. Seems the boys forgot to mention to me that the teams traded sides/goals. I came out and thought that they were running the wrong way on the first play. Ok, so they got a good laugh out of that one.
But I got the last laugh that season. It was playoff time and a very busy time at Denny's. I was home pregnant with Dan and they were all working at the restaurant. Every break they had, they'd call home to get the blow by blow from me. All was well until one particular call.... it went something like this...
Oliver: Who has the ball.
Peg : nobody
Oliver: There is a defense and an offense, one of them has to have the ball.
Peg : nope, nobody has the ball, it's just on the field.
Oliver: Again, somebody has to have the ball.
Peg: Wait, someone does have the ball now.
Oliver: I told you so... who has the ball.
Peg: The referee.
Oliver: Ugh.
Peg: If you'd shut up long enough, I can explain....
Oliver: heavy sighing and trying not to blow his top.
Peg: Turns out that it was under review and they were still trying to understand whose ball it was. After review I was able to tell him the outcome. Needless to say, from then on he brought a radio to work and didn't call home for the blow by blow... wisely knowing that I would have flung the tv at him when he walked in the door.
To add insult to injury, I really was a quick learner and picked up on the game quite quickly. So what started out to be what they thought was an easy mark for the football pool turned out to be a winning and winning and winning proposition for me. Now I have to admit that my "system" was not the most scientific, but it always seemed to work for me. I'd start with looking at the colors of the two teams... anybody who went against a green colored team automatically got my vote, with the exception of Green Bay. Certain teams were favorites all along... the Bears, the Chargers, the Cowboys, the Rams, etc. Now usually that was all it took to pick my winners. But then there were other factors that came into play - like how well the hindquarters of certain quarterbacks looked in their uniforms. A cute butt could trump a color pretense - Joe Montana for example was a fine specimen in his uniform. I still use that criteria although these days I can actually include game statistics.
Technology has brought us a long way, baby. No longer do we have three tv's hooked up at a time in the living room. No longer do I have to be helpless as the stations flipped from one game to another at the will of my husband's instinctis of who might be in a better position to score. God bless the advent of the NFL Red Zone where professionals do the flipping for us and we can actually see the best of the scoring options. No longer do I have to remember the play by play for those who might have wandered from the action - I can just pause and rewind and let them see for themselves. I can also use this to my advantage when one of my teams does extremely well and I can rewind and do the hippy hippy shake dance of victory.
So as we inch closer and closer to the big Super Bowl Game, you can bet that I will be putting my old system to good use although I am no longer involved in any pools. Seems my record was too good and I've been banned from all the old stand-bys. After all even seasoned gamblers can't stand to lose to the same person year after year.
So that's my system and I'm sticking to it. It's worked for me for over 30 years and a wise old man once told me - you don't fix something that's not broken. Thanks Gramps... you're absolutely right. Rest in peace - your granddaughter is carrying on the tradition well. You'd be proud. Now, where's that remote?
No comments:
Post a Comment