Funny thing happened after we woke up today. We ended up with a new coach for team Hassett. Sigh. It all started last night when we were reminiscing with a friend of ours that was over for Monday Night Football about our old dog Bart. Then of course, the conversation bended towards Igloo. We laughed as we recalled good times with them both. It was the first time that I was able to do that without the tears welling up in my eyes. Up until now, it just hurt too much even though it has been year and a half since Igloo died.
After our friend left, we continued to talk bout how it would be nice to have a dog again someday and what kind, color and size, etc., then we went to bed. This morning I decided to clean out some folders off of my computer and came across the little movie I made after Igloo died. As I was watching it and tears were streaming down my face, I felt like he was telling me that it was ok if we moved on. It was almost as if he was releasing my heart to love a pup again. I didn't say anything to Oliver about it and just went and got on facebook, like I do every day (yeah, yeah, I know). Lo and behold there was a post from one of my friends who was looking to give away a 15 month old dog because she just felt they didn't have the time for him like he needed.
Well, I guess I don't need to tell you what happened next. Tonight she brought him by to meet us and that's all she wrote. We both fell head over heels for this little bundle of fur. He came with the name of Lucky but it just didn't seem to fit him - at least to us - and he wasn't really responding to it anyway. We tossed names around (I kinda liked Ditka but y'all know that any reference to a Chicago Bears team was not going to fly with Oliver) and finally we both agreed on Coach. We figured he'll probably be calling the shots around here anyway. He is adorable - white with tan spots, the exact coloring and size that we had talked about last night. Some kind of Spaniel mix and very mild mannered. He's quickly making himself at home and quite frankly, it feels like he's been part of the family all along.
He's pretty quiet. We did find out that he has a voice when he found himself in the mirror of the curio cabinet... lol. Guess he thought he had a playmate for a minute. Oliver went out to the shed and found an old collar and leash that I had, for whatever reason, kept in my memory box. He is now adorned in Husker red with a red leash and he's looking quite dapper if I do say so myself. I still want to give him a bath tomorrow and clean him up a bit before taking pictures but I will post them soon. He has already taken dad for a walk and he said that dad did just fine on his end of the leash (and no, I am not a dog whisperer, it's just his eyes speak volumes). Needless to say, we're dog parents again and it just feels right. If you would have asked me two days ago about getting a dog, I'd have still said "no way". But God had other ideas and we're just thinking that He knew all along that we all would need each other. Funny how He works that way. Ok, Coach, what are we gonna do next?
Post note: Coach didn't stick... as it turns out, everytime he went to get into something, I would say, "oh no, sorry Charlie" and guess what? Yep he started responding to Charlie... so Charlie it is and quite frankly - it fits. : ) <3
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Perfect Peace
It's the wee, wee hours on Christmas Eve. Soon stores will be opening to usher in those procrastinators who have waited until the last minute to find the perfect gift for their loved ones. That has never been my style. I watch for the bargains all year long and usually am fully finished by now. This year was no different. Oh we did a little crowd bashing last week but that was enough. How that actually gets people into the spirit is beyond me. It wants to zap the spirit right out of my life. But that's ok, we're all cast from a different cloth.
Tonight I've been a bit teary-eyed. Not only waxing nostalgic over Christmas' past but realizing that according to the doctors, this very well could be my last. Am I working harder to make it special because of this? Nope, not at all. If anything, I'm more "here" in the everyday things and trying to find the joy in each moment. To laugh at the flour all over the counters and floors from our cookie-baking "experiment", to not stress when dinner got served at 9 pm instead of the usual senior time of 4 pm to which we've become accustomed. Presents wrapped? Nope, not yet. Actually I have to remember where I hid them first and that might take awhile. I got the Christmas cards out the other day to start working on them and here it is Christmas Eve and the first one isn't even signed yet. Oh well, I'll get them done and God willing, everyone will get theirs before April Fools' Day. I'm not stressing about it. You see, I'm enjoying everything that's going right but especially those little things that just seem to go wrong.
I'm also remembering that there are many, many of my friends who lost loved ones unexpectedly this year and my heart hurts for them. I remember all too well the raw nerves exposed during this time after the departure of a loved one. The pain can sometimes be unbearable and the tears hot enough to burn tracks down your face. I know, I've been there. This will not be a happy Christmas for them. They will hurt but they will find that God can and will use it in His own way. They will in turn be more appreciative of the little details and not stress over them quite so much. They'll work hard to try and remember the details from last year - those same details that they would have emblazoned in their memory had they only known it would be the last as the status quo.
It's funny how hearing that the end is near for me has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts, odd as that may sound. It truly is a gift that I didn't know I wanted and yet have come to love. It's a gift that keeps on giving. My perspective on life has changed. It has in turn multiplied into other gifts that I didn't know I wanted and yet am cherishing none-the-less. I've received the gift of peace. There is a peace in my spirit that carries me along each day. It has given me the gift of tears - both happy and sad. Sad because I may never spend a Christmas with my family and friends again on this earth and yet happy knowing that soon I will spend time with people that I have loved, who have loved me, that I haven't even seen in a long, long time. I miss them and am looking forward to eternity to catch up with them. I've received the gift of rest. This ol' body can't do the things I used to be able to do, so I'm forced to sit on the sidelines and let the "new team" take over and you know what? that's been a blessing in itself. Not many people get to sit down and watch the preparations as they unfold and seeing people who have always just known "it" was done realize that there is a whole lot more that goes into than they thought. There is the gift of satisfaction of having had a full life, even if it hasn't been long enough.
All of us are surrounded by gifts from our Father everyday. My hope and prayer for you is that you take the time out to slow down, look around, and take it all in. I can guarantee you there are people that will be gathering for their Christmas dinner with empty seats at the table who will be wishing they had done that last year. Their time is up. The landscape of their family has changed forever. Never in a million years did they see it coming and yet that's the reality they are forced to face this year and for years to come. There will be tears, there will be hearts aching, but there in the midst of all that pain, will come a peace that surpasses all understanding and that peace will come because of a baby born in a stable over 2000 years ago. Please don't wait for disaster to hit your family before you give yourself a "time-out". Take it, use it wisely and enjoy all the gifts that have come out of the one ultimate gift that can be passed along. The gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Merry Christmas to you and yours. May your new sense of reflection and being "aware" last far beyond the holidays and carry you throughout next year. My prayer is that all your seats are full at your dinner table and that all your memories be made from pleasant ones but if you just so happen to have tragedy befall you, my prayer is that you receive that gift of peace that was bought and paid for at the cross. It's one of the sweetest gifts I've ever known. Merry Christmas and God Bless you with His perfect peace. Love y'all.
Tonight I've been a bit teary-eyed. Not only waxing nostalgic over Christmas' past but realizing that according to the doctors, this very well could be my last. Am I working harder to make it special because of this? Nope, not at all. If anything, I'm more "here" in the everyday things and trying to find the joy in each moment. To laugh at the flour all over the counters and floors from our cookie-baking "experiment", to not stress when dinner got served at 9 pm instead of the usual senior time of 4 pm to which we've become accustomed. Presents wrapped? Nope, not yet. Actually I have to remember where I hid them first and that might take awhile. I got the Christmas cards out the other day to start working on them and here it is Christmas Eve and the first one isn't even signed yet. Oh well, I'll get them done and God willing, everyone will get theirs before April Fools' Day. I'm not stressing about it. You see, I'm enjoying everything that's going right but especially those little things that just seem to go wrong.
I'm also remembering that there are many, many of my friends who lost loved ones unexpectedly this year and my heart hurts for them. I remember all too well the raw nerves exposed during this time after the departure of a loved one. The pain can sometimes be unbearable and the tears hot enough to burn tracks down your face. I know, I've been there. This will not be a happy Christmas for them. They will hurt but they will find that God can and will use it in His own way. They will in turn be more appreciative of the little details and not stress over them quite so much. They'll work hard to try and remember the details from last year - those same details that they would have emblazoned in their memory had they only known it would be the last as the status quo.
It's funny how hearing that the end is near for me has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts, odd as that may sound. It truly is a gift that I didn't know I wanted and yet have come to love. It's a gift that keeps on giving. My perspective on life has changed. It has in turn multiplied into other gifts that I didn't know I wanted and yet am cherishing none-the-less. I've received the gift of peace. There is a peace in my spirit that carries me along each day. It has given me the gift of tears - both happy and sad. Sad because I may never spend a Christmas with my family and friends again on this earth and yet happy knowing that soon I will spend time with people that I have loved, who have loved me, that I haven't even seen in a long, long time. I miss them and am looking forward to eternity to catch up with them. I've received the gift of rest. This ol' body can't do the things I used to be able to do, so I'm forced to sit on the sidelines and let the "new team" take over and you know what? that's been a blessing in itself. Not many people get to sit down and watch the preparations as they unfold and seeing people who have always just known "it" was done realize that there is a whole lot more that goes into than they thought. There is the gift of satisfaction of having had a full life, even if it hasn't been long enough.
All of us are surrounded by gifts from our Father everyday. My hope and prayer for you is that you take the time out to slow down, look around, and take it all in. I can guarantee you there are people that will be gathering for their Christmas dinner with empty seats at the table who will be wishing they had done that last year. Their time is up. The landscape of their family has changed forever. Never in a million years did they see it coming and yet that's the reality they are forced to face this year and for years to come. There will be tears, there will be hearts aching, but there in the midst of all that pain, will come a peace that surpasses all understanding and that peace will come because of a baby born in a stable over 2000 years ago. Please don't wait for disaster to hit your family before you give yourself a "time-out". Take it, use it wisely and enjoy all the gifts that have come out of the one ultimate gift that can be passed along. The gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Merry Christmas to you and yours. May your new sense of reflection and being "aware" last far beyond the holidays and carry you throughout next year. My prayer is that all your seats are full at your dinner table and that all your memories be made from pleasant ones but if you just so happen to have tragedy befall you, my prayer is that you receive that gift of peace that was bought and paid for at the cross. It's one of the sweetest gifts I've ever known. Merry Christmas and God Bless you with His perfect peace. Love y'all.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A Bit Discouraged
Once again I was denied disability from Social Security. This time it wasn't because they don't think I'm sick enough to qualify but because I haven't gotten enough credits in recent years to qualify. So because I've been too sick to work and they thought that I wasn't sick enough when they deinied me last time, I'm just out of luck. Go figure. Had I gotten the correct diagnosis when I applied the last time, all of this would be a moot point. Now they're telling me that I'm not eligible until I'm 62 and according to the doctors, I won't live that long. It's not so much the money itself (although that would certainly help) but it's the fact that I cannot get any help with insurance, medications or medical expenses without being declared disabled by Social Security. It's a catch-22 and I'm losing big time.
It's disappointing because I have worked hard all my life. I got my first job at 15 and worked up until I could no more. I played by the rules and those rules are doing nothing but shutting me out now. They are also saying I don't qualify for SSI because Oliver makes too much in Social Security. Excuse me? That doesn't even cover our mortgage. sigh...
So as it stands right now, my COBRA insurance will be ending in March with no possibliity of extending since I can't get qualified as disabled under Social Security, I have no way of bringing in any income that I have been able to maintain, I will automatically be disqualified from getting on the transplant list because I will have no insurance and basically I'm screwed through no wrongdoing on my part. Yeah, I'm discouraged but for some reason I still have hope. It's that feeling of hope that drives me to wake up each morning and get out of bed. Somehow I just know deep down in my spirit that God has it all worked out. I just can't see it now and in the natural, things are looking pretty bleak.
As I sit here and look at our Christmas tree and this beautiful house that God blessed us with, I can't help but wonder how much longer I'll be able to enjoy it. I just don't know but I do know that tonight I will be able to see the white lights shine on the tree, turn on our little electric fireplace that also is a heater and have a nice cup of hot chocolate. So for tonight, all is alright. Do I think about tomorrow, oh yeah, but I can't worry about it. Do I cry, you betcha, but I know that each tear I shed is being caught by a loving Father who has it all worked out. I just have to remember that. Some days I do but then there are those moments when my all to human nature kicks in and I start to fret.
I don't know why life has always had to be so doggone difficult for me. I don't understand why I have had to struggle for some of the very basics that mose people take for granted. But I do know that God chose me to walk this path and all I can do is walk it out the best that I know how - with Him by my side. Life didn't turn out the way I dreamed it would but I have always tried to play, to the best of my ability, the hand that I've been dealt. Sometimes I win the game and sometimes I don't, but I always belly up to the table for another round. So dealer, hit me... and let's get on with this game called life.
It's disappointing because I have worked hard all my life. I got my first job at 15 and worked up until I could no more. I played by the rules and those rules are doing nothing but shutting me out now. They are also saying I don't qualify for SSI because Oliver makes too much in Social Security. Excuse me? That doesn't even cover our mortgage. sigh...
So as it stands right now, my COBRA insurance will be ending in March with no possibliity of extending since I can't get qualified as disabled under Social Security, I have no way of bringing in any income that I have been able to maintain, I will automatically be disqualified from getting on the transplant list because I will have no insurance and basically I'm screwed through no wrongdoing on my part. Yeah, I'm discouraged but for some reason I still have hope. It's that feeling of hope that drives me to wake up each morning and get out of bed. Somehow I just know deep down in my spirit that God has it all worked out. I just can't see it now and in the natural, things are looking pretty bleak.
As I sit here and look at our Christmas tree and this beautiful house that God blessed us with, I can't help but wonder how much longer I'll be able to enjoy it. I just don't know but I do know that tonight I will be able to see the white lights shine on the tree, turn on our little electric fireplace that also is a heater and have a nice cup of hot chocolate. So for tonight, all is alright. Do I think about tomorrow, oh yeah, but I can't worry about it. Do I cry, you betcha, but I know that each tear I shed is being caught by a loving Father who has it all worked out. I just have to remember that. Some days I do but then there are those moments when my all to human nature kicks in and I start to fret.
I don't know why life has always had to be so doggone difficult for me. I don't understand why I have had to struggle for some of the very basics that mose people take for granted. But I do know that God chose me to walk this path and all I can do is walk it out the best that I know how - with Him by my side. Life didn't turn out the way I dreamed it would but I have always tried to play, to the best of my ability, the hand that I've been dealt. Sometimes I win the game and sometimes I don't, but I always belly up to the table for another round. So dealer, hit me... and let's get on with this game called life.
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