Ok, I have to admit that the stress is becoming a bit much. Not so much because of all we have to do, but it's the unknown aspect of it all that is wearing me down. Here we are one week out from the date set for the house to be auctioned off and still no word from our mortgage company - Suntrust Mortgage. We have spent months jumping through every hoop they have wanted us to and still they won't "talk" to us. We have left message after message. Even the "Save Our Tennessee Home" directors (and lawyers) have not seen anything like this. Which is all well and good, but only adds to our stress. We agree it's not fair. We agree that they are being (fill in what ever expletive you want here) but they hold all the cards. All we're trying to do at this point is get a 30 day extension for the gov't. program paperwork to go through. Nope, nobody can bite the bullet and give us an answer. The other answer we can't seem to get is "when do we have to vacate the premises?" Oh we know they have to give us 30 days notice - but was the notice of the house going up for auction it? Nobody knows. So we really have no choice but to walk away and move on. We can't stay if they aren't willing to work with us at all. It would be more of a financial suicide to stay than to walk away... in the long term. I remember reading in papers and watching on tv how people have ruined houses they've lost through foreclosure and I remember shaking my head and wondering how anyone could do that. After our experience with Suntrust - I can honestly say that I truly understand the emotion and pain behind those who resort to such actions. We are not like that - inherently - but I sadly admit that the thought of torching the house did cross our minds - and no, not REALLY seriously - I don't think. But we won't do anything to damage this beautiful home. We pray blessings over the next owners and hope that everything works out well for them and that they make many happy memories here. We will walk out and make sure the doors are locked and everything is clean.
It's hard to pack when you don't know where you're going. Looks like, for now, we'll be having to put all our stuff in storage and stay with my son and his family in their tiny house. My daughter-in-law, Kim, bless her heart, has been trying to find us a place to rent but the pickings have been slim. Houses are renting within hours of being listed. Lots of military moving in that want to get settled before school starts next month. Ideally it would be great if we had 30 more days here to be able to go down there and find someplace, then come back here and move our stuff once. Unless a last minute appeal is granted, that's not going to happen. So to keep from being crushed from all the stress, I have to keep my eye on the prize - quality time with my grandson Eli. He is what makes doing this even remotely possible. I have to admit that in the past few weeks, I've found myself closing myself in and retreating to that quiet place in my mind so that I can attack the daunting task ahead of me. I have guarded my heart so carefully because I honestly cannot handle one more heartache and loss. I am working super hard not to let the stress rear it's ugly head. It's only been a month since I was in the hospital and stress definitely exacerbates IPF. I've also pulled away from dear friends - who under normal circumstances, I'd want to spend time with before I go... but I just can't. I don't have time to cry. I'm not strong enough to cry. I don't want to think about all that I'm losing and leaving behind. I've not hidden the fact of how much I love Adamsville and the people who have become my family in my heart. It's hard. So I've been ignoring them as best as possible - holed up here at the house for the time I have left. I've been sorting and packing. This weekend we're having a moving sale and hope to get rid of some stuff and add to the funds to get us moved.
As word is starting to spread, most people are shocked. I think they honestly believed that somehow this would all work out and we'd be able to stay and life would go on as normal. Normal. What is normal? Certainly I have not known normal for a very long time. We didn't mean to shock anyone. Nobody thought we'd be able to work this out more than we did. And we really, really tried. But I guess God had other plans. We're not moving completely blind. We're moving closer to family, to an area that we know quite well and already love. We have a lot of good friends down there that we've met over the years - many I am looking forward to spending time with. Those are the things I HAVE to focus on now that the wheels have begun turning. One week. We'll git 'er done. I know with a few phone calls, I could have a bunch of people helping, but I hesitate to do that. It might help with the work but add to the emotional stress - and that's the part that is tricky for me. It's not that I'm being prideful or don't want anyone's help, it's just that I don't want to say "good-bye" - plain and simple. Good-byes hurt me and when I'm hurt, I cry and when I cry, I have trouble breathing and then I get NOTHING done. One week. I don't have time for tears.
So if you think I'm ignoring you - you're probably right... but don't take it personally. It's a defensive mechanism that I have to activate to help me get through this. One week - no home to go to - not sure what will happen with this one - still haven't reserved the truck until we know for sure we have to be out next week - LOTS of packing to do and throwing a moving sale in to boot. Yep, one week, one very stressful week. One more church service here in Adamsville and then we'll be gone. My nerves are frayed and yet somewhere in the midst of all this, I have a peace. I am NOT running around like a chicken with my head cut off and for a super organizer, that's a first for me. It's even scaring Oliver because I'm being so calm - for now. I'm sure the tears will come when we drive the moving truck and the car out for the last time down our dirt road. I know I'll cry when I share ((hugs)) for the last time with people who have become very dear to me since we've been here. The pulmonary fibrosis doesn't help with that part either, because we'll all be cognizant that it will probably be for the last time. Travel is very hard on these old lungs. That's why we don't go down to see the kids more often - well, and the lack funds, of course.
We honestly thought when we bought this house that this would be where we would live out our lives. Never in a million years did we believe we'd be in the position we are in now. While it is a surprise to us, we know it isn't a surprise to God. He has already gone ahead of us and worked out all the details. I'm nervous about living with my son - only because he and I don't always see eye to eye and with all this stress being added to the IPF, um, my nerves will be fried and it's gonna be sticky in that little place. I have to give that to God too and I pray my son will give me a little slack and try to understand. My dreams are shattered, no doubt about that, but I have seen in the past what amazing things God can do with our shattered mosaics of life. It may not be turning out to be the picture that I imagined and dreamed of as a young girl, but it is turning into the magnificent work of art that God has had in His mind all along. So look out Florida, you have no idea how much trouble adding a couple of Hassetts to your ranks can cause... but we're all in for quite a ride. And I, for one, am looking forward to taking one day soon and spending it with my grandson, playing in the white sugar sands at the beach and spending more and more time with that lovely young man. He and I have a lot of catching up to do.
So please, if you're inclined to cry - try and stay strong - for me. It's taking all the power and focus I have to try and keep it together right now as we venture into this uncharted territory. Please pray for us. Those prayers mean more than words can convey. Thank-you for the places you hold in our hearts... I have to say that my little mosaic is coming along quite nicely and I see that there are still parts left to be filled in before I take the finished product home to the King to be judged. (In case you're wondering, yes, I do have plenty of tissues and a whole bunch of oxygen to get me through this next week.) Thanks again and God Bless...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
MAGNOLIAS..........By Edna Ellison
I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute
trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles
away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I
felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .
So many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away
at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down
the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He
teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three
years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large
magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves
would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the
church.
After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the
podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight,
I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever
had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers -
would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her
bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance, Tim walked with me to the
sanctuary to do a final check.
When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and
then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An
electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning
system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.
I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown,
gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding. Tim turned to me.
'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh
flowers in these arrangements.' I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the
hall to put on his cuff links.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the
arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help
me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out
praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find
them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a
nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to
shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a
house...No dog in sight... I knocked on the door and an older man answered.
So far so good. No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, 'I'd be
happy to!'
He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me.
Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir,
you've made the mother of a bride happy today.'
No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.'
'What?' I asked.
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I
received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I
saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked
away. 'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and
on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'
I nodded.
'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I
miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she
needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an
eighty-six-year old worn-out
man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. Nobody needs me!' About that time,
you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, 'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into
my dark living room...'
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those
magnolias?'
'No.'
'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower
ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home
have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of
them. They're all over the
backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if
anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said,
'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no
way I can minister to anyone today.'
But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you
cope with it is what makes the difference.'
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you may have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST you have
missed everything in the world!
May God's blessings be upon you.
THIS IS SO TRUE, BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.
This story is too beautiful not to send...
trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles
away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I
felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .
So many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away
at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down
the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He
teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three
years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large
magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves
would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the
church.
After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the
podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight,
I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever
had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers -
would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her
bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance, Tim walked with me to the
sanctuary to do a final check.
When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and
then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An
electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning
system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.
I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown,
gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding. Tim turned to me.
'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh
flowers in these arrangements.' I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the
hall to put on his cuff links.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the
arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help
me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out
praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find
them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a
nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to
shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a
house...No dog in sight... I knocked on the door and an older man answered.
So far so good. No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, 'I'd be
happy to!'
He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me.
Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir,
you've made the mother of a bride happy today.'
No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.'
'What?' I asked.
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I
received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I
saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked
away. 'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and
on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'
I nodded.
'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I
miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she
needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an
eighty-six-year old worn-out
man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. Nobody needs me!' About that time,
you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, 'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into
my dark living room...'
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those
magnolias?'
'No.'
'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower
ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home
have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of
them. They're all over the
backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if
anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said,
'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no
way I can minister to anyone today.'
But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you
cope with it is what makes the difference.'
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you may have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST you have
missed everything in the world!
May God's blessings be upon you.
THIS IS SO TRUE, BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.
This story is too beautiful not to send...
Big Decisions
As most of you know, our house is scheduled to be auctioned off August 4th. Now some of you may think that we "deserve it" for not paying our mortgage. But let me explain how we got "here". It all started way back in September of 2009 when Oliver came home and said he lost his job. We were both devastated but we figured we'd been in this situation before and gotten through and we'd do it again - with God's help. So we tightened our already frugal belts and lived on the $250 unemployment a week, subsidized by our savings and credit cards to try and buy some time until Oliver could find another job. Despite his attempts, as you know, he has not found anything. We've tried selling Pampered Chef and even tried starting our own catering business - with great acclaim but no income from it. Most times we didn't even break even, hoping we could use it to build business but those costs went on our credit cards. So as the credit card balances went up, so did our monthly payments. Not the best thing to do but we really didn't have a choice. For over a year, we managed to stay "afloat" that way. Finally we knew we were running out of options. Savings was gone, credit cards were perilously close to maxing out and Oliver wouldn't be eligible for social security for a couple more months. So in Nov. 2010 we contacted the bank to see if they would be willing to work with us and "move" two payments, preferably three, to the end of our mortgage and then we knew we'd be fine. They said there was nothing they could do because we weren't behind - yet. So we didn't make the Nov. payment, which was due the first but we had until the 15th with no finance charge. On the 16th of Nov. - ONE DAY after it was officially late, the collection calls began. We explained that we just had to wait until the social security checks came through before we made a payment. We still needed to pay my COBRA insurance and utilities out of the $250 a week and even in TN, November and December get cold.
The collection calls were 5 and 6 times a DAY and they were extremely threatening and mean. We told them that we'd make a payment the very day the social security check was deposited in our account. Needless to say they stressed me considerably. Finally after a couple of months of this - even after we did make a payment as promised the very day the social security check was deposited (on 1/6 we paid the Nov. payt.) - someone told us that we could send in a "cease and desist" letter to stop the harassing phone calls. This same person, who turned off the recording to give us this "advice", told us to stop making payments and that after we were about 6 months behind, government programs would kick in to help us out. We checked on this and the info they gave us was true. So after we made the Dec. payment on Feb. 1st, we stopped making payments altogether but still left numerous messages for someone to call us back. In the meantime, we looked into selling the house but we found out the house across the street from us sold for $50K less than we'd have to clear to break even. That on top of the declining property values made that option impossible. Even if we could sell it for the price we needed to, odds were that it would not appraise out for that figure.
On July 5th we received the notice that the house was scheduled to be auctioned off Aug. 4th. The FIRST communication we've gotten from Suntrust - they never have returned any of our dozens of calls. We found out info on that notice letter from their lawyers about the government programs that we might qualify for. So we chose to apply for the Save My Tennessee Home one. We spent a couple of days getting all the info we needed and filling out their lengthy forms. Yesterday we sat through a 5 hour class to learn more. Everything is still in process but we found that it will take them at least 30 days to get it into the program and then another couple of weeks for approval. Um, Aug. 4th will be here much sooner than that. They told us to call our bank and ask for a 30 day extension - which we have - but the bank said they'd have to get back to us, so we wait. The financial counselors leading the class also said that sometimes when your house value has dropped significantly enough to not be able to increase within 5 years back up to what you owe - sometimes it's in your best interest to walk away. To go with the program, we'd have to live in this house for at least 5 years or pay back everything they help us out with, which locks us in here, because the house value will not increase enough to pay them off and the mortgage. Will I even be alive for that long? Is it fair to lock Oliver into it all by himself for that amount of time?
While we did get valuable information at this class, it was really depressing too. There were people there who were just "playing the system" to get their mortgages paid by the government. It was sad really. One couple in particular admitted that they aren't making payments on their car (Chrysler 300 - nice car) and aren't paying the insurance. They decided to file separate tax returns and put the house in only one name to hide assets, etc. and the counselor did not even bat an eyelash but instead showed them how to adjust their budget so that they'd qualify for the program. Even told them not to include any income they make "on the side" so that it looks better on paper. Oh and the big kicker was that they didn't have all their paperwork filled out because they had been on a cruise... um, yeah, good thing my Buford Pusser bat was safely at home. The other counselor was telling another couple to just lay back for the next year and take the free payments - not to be in too much of a hurry to make things right. "Why turn away free money?" We just shook our heads. All we got was a "contact your bank" and a smile. Um, yeah, we've been TRYING to for months.
The biggest problem is this - we have a VA loan. It makes my blood boil when I think that Oliver got shot for this country to receive those benefits - which basically let us buy a house with no money down. Because of that, we are having problems getting government help. We qualify under every bit of criteria - we had a drastic drop in income (over 30%, um yeah, let's try 80%), we had to be ontime with payments up until that event (yep, always), we have to be in arrears (we are now), etc... every single one of them we passed. And frankly, according to all the financial advice we had ever heard, we had done everything "right". At the time of Oliver's job loss, we were one payment from paying off the credit cards (including our move), we had 6 months of living expenses in the bank (just in case), we are frugal people and good stewards of our money, etc. and yet none of that has made any difference. We don't WANT to have the government's help. I hated having to apply for disability almost as much as I hated being denied. We hate having to apply for assistance to have a home to live in but hate even more that the bank won't even talk to us. On paper, it makes sense for them to let it go into foreclosure... they get immediately 40% of the note from the VA and they auction the house off and get the rest. They get 100% of their money back - no incentive to work with us. If we'd have been able to talk to a person at the bank, maybe they would. We haven't even been able to let them know that I've been diagnosed with a fatal lung disease. It's not that we're not willing to pay on the house, we are, we just need a little help here to lower our payments to be able to bring it within our budget. We didn't buy a house way out of our reach when we bought this. Actually our monthly payments decreased by over $500 a month over what we paid in Chicagoland. We both drive old, paid for cars and are extremely grateful to have them. Oliver's is on its last leg but so far, still hanging on, with spit and bubble gum.
So here we are. Do we start packing because we have to be out on the 4th? Can't even get an answer on that. Do we sit tight and hope that this program comes through and the bank accepts? They'll help us for the next year and then we can reapply for a mortgage break with the bank - but of course, we'll be right back where we are now because they won't work with us to lower our payments and let's face it, Oliver is not getting younger. Do we cut our losses now and just walk away and move down by Elii to spend time with him while I'm still alive? That is IF we can get someone to rent to us now that our credit is shot. My heart wants to be near Eli, no doubt. Ideally we'd love to be able to buy a house down there, but that won't happen. If we walk away, they said we'd be able to clean up our credit in a couple of years - time that I just don't have. I did find a house for sale online down there that I absolutely LOVE and that we would be able to afford - with a pool, but we can't get a loan - duh. All that does is add to the frustration. Rentals have become slim pickings for two reasons... one, Eglin Air Force Base is moving in a couple of hundred troops a month for their 7th Special Ops forces and two, there was a lightening storm that came through last weekend that burned down a dozen homes and all those people have to be put up for 3-6 months while their houses are being repaired. Plus we won't have time to get down there and look ourselves if we have to be out of here by the 4th. We have way too much packing to do, despite our best efforts to have pared down over the last 2 years of garage sales.
So far we have applied for social security disability for me - denied: food stamps - denied (Oliver's social security is $50 a year too much to qualify: programs to help with the house - still pending but we're running out of time: TennCare (health insurance for me) - denied but am reapplying: can't qualify for any other government help for me because I was denied social security disablity and was told I can't reapply for again until I'm 65 - I won't be alive for another 10 years, unless of course, I've been totally misdiagnosed and/or God decides to give me new lungs (which I am believing for).
So here are the pros and cons of each "move"....
Moving to FL pros:
Eli, Dan and Kim
my cousin Nancy (she lives in Pensacola)
Kim's family (we love them too and consider them family to us as well)
family holidays (which we haven't had in years)
the beach
warmer winters
Renting (less responsibility and most definitely smaller yards)
the yardwork on over an acre here in TN is overwhelming and I can no longer help - inside or outside the house
we have a couple of churches to choose from to go to and people we already know
restaurant choices - like REAL food... lol. (hey, you live in the boonies for a few years and you'll see what I mean)
Shopping besides Walmart - especially for groceries (ok that's a BIG pro... lol)
I can get my Mango Apricot Yogurt there (hey, I like it)
We'll still be able to see some of our friends from TN when they come down to visit (they go there already for vacations)
More craft shows to sell my jewelry
More possible part time job opportunities for Oliver (and family around to keep an eye on me if needed)
Local airport (no more driving 3 hours to pick up someone who comes to visit)
cutting our losses and moving on? probably - either way, we've lost on this house
Oliver will have family support if by some chance I don't get my healing and this ol' body gives out
Moving to FL cons:
expensive and finding a rental that accepts pets (can't give up Charlie - no way - he's family)
having to actually pack and move
losing all the money we have invested in this house and probably more
utilities and gas will cost more
the cost to actually move down there
hurricanes (not a big deal but a consideration - mostly due to power outages and my oxygen needs)
we signed a commitment to buy this house - we'd be walking away from that commitment and that's not us
we'd miss our church family and the exciting things happening at FPC
we'd miss our trees and greenery and openness
we'd miss our one stoplight town that we love so much and the people we have come to know and love
we'd miss this house, which is our home, and all the hopes and dreams we had hoped to experience in it
having to find new doctors although I can probably still travel to Vandy every 4 months if NEEDED
Traffic and a lot more people
much noisier with the planes and traffic
having to change over licensing of vehicles, etc.
the cost of car insurance is higher
the time factor - it's just too fast and I still don't feel well enough to handle it all RIGHT NOW
And these are just some of what I came up with off the top of my head. It's a tough decision, for sure. My heart wants to be by Eli but my head isn't so sure. I don't want to hurt him by coming into his life just to leave it again. I hate that we'd be trying to get out of a legal commitment. While we haven't done anything wrong up until this point - none of this was by erroneous choices we've made - that will change if we walk away without fighting. It may be already too late and out of our hands. On August 4th the sheriff may show up knocking on the door to move our stuff out on the dirt road. Stressful? You bet. Impossible? Probably not - but it will take a village of help to pull it off.
So now you can see why your prayers are so important. I honestly can say that I feel like the paralyzed man in the Bible that had to rely on his friends to bring him to Jesus' feet. I don't even know what to pray for. We've played by the rules all our lives. Good grief, I've only had 2 speeding tickets in all that time and not one parking ticket. Those same rules are doing us in. And then there are the prayers - half are praying for us to stay in TN and half are praying for us to move to FL. I feel like we're living on the 50 yard line of a Nebraska/Ohio football game and it can go either way... Which prayers are God listening to? We're tired. We should be entering a life of retirement and enjoying the fruits of our years and years of labor but instead we are struggling to just make it day to day. We can't travel, we can't afford to. All those vacations we didn't take because we didn't have the time and we needed to work, figuring we'd be able to make up for in retirement are just vacations lost. All those companies we gave our time, blood, sweat and tears to are nothing but distant memories. Are we down? Oh yeah. Are we out of the race? Not on your life. We are so grateful that God is still in control and we know that He already has the answers. Our biggest concern is that we hear His still small voice and act accordingly. Thanks again for "listening" to my rants and for praying for us. I don't like sharing my business and deepest feelings and emotions out in the open like this. For whatever reason, that is exactly what God is asking me to do right now and the last thing I want to do is be disobedient to Him.
We all have stereotypical beliefs on those who seek out government assistance. We call them lazy and figure they're there because of their own bad choices. I'm here to tell you that while that may be true in some instances, there are a whole bunch of us out here who are not in this position by choice. We are too old to believe that things will turn around for us or that we can make up the difference of funds lost. We were always told to work hard, be loyal to the company you work for, put in your time, pay your fair share, don't live above your means, and save for a rainy day. All things we did and yet here we are. We cringe when the email jokes come through and we cry at the unfairness of the system that we worked hard and paid into all those years. We wonder what kind of world Eli will grow up into. We would still encourage you to play by the "rules" that we have all our lives. It's strong financial advice. But please, don't look down on us for falling on hard times. "There but for the grace of God...." Be blessed, we are, even in the midst of this storm.
The collection calls were 5 and 6 times a DAY and they were extremely threatening and mean. We told them that we'd make a payment the very day the social security check was deposited in our account. Needless to say they stressed me considerably. Finally after a couple of months of this - even after we did make a payment as promised the very day the social security check was deposited (on 1/6 we paid the Nov. payt.) - someone told us that we could send in a "cease and desist" letter to stop the harassing phone calls. This same person, who turned off the recording to give us this "advice", told us to stop making payments and that after we were about 6 months behind, government programs would kick in to help us out. We checked on this and the info they gave us was true. So after we made the Dec. payment on Feb. 1st, we stopped making payments altogether but still left numerous messages for someone to call us back. In the meantime, we looked into selling the house but we found out the house across the street from us sold for $50K less than we'd have to clear to break even. That on top of the declining property values made that option impossible. Even if we could sell it for the price we needed to, odds were that it would not appraise out for that figure.
On July 5th we received the notice that the house was scheduled to be auctioned off Aug. 4th. The FIRST communication we've gotten from Suntrust - they never have returned any of our dozens of calls. We found out info on that notice letter from their lawyers about the government programs that we might qualify for. So we chose to apply for the Save My Tennessee Home one. We spent a couple of days getting all the info we needed and filling out their lengthy forms. Yesterday we sat through a 5 hour class to learn more. Everything is still in process but we found that it will take them at least 30 days to get it into the program and then another couple of weeks for approval. Um, Aug. 4th will be here much sooner than that. They told us to call our bank and ask for a 30 day extension - which we have - but the bank said they'd have to get back to us, so we wait. The financial counselors leading the class also said that sometimes when your house value has dropped significantly enough to not be able to increase within 5 years back up to what you owe - sometimes it's in your best interest to walk away. To go with the program, we'd have to live in this house for at least 5 years or pay back everything they help us out with, which locks us in here, because the house value will not increase enough to pay them off and the mortgage. Will I even be alive for that long? Is it fair to lock Oliver into it all by himself for that amount of time?
While we did get valuable information at this class, it was really depressing too. There were people there who were just "playing the system" to get their mortgages paid by the government. It was sad really. One couple in particular admitted that they aren't making payments on their car (Chrysler 300 - nice car) and aren't paying the insurance. They decided to file separate tax returns and put the house in only one name to hide assets, etc. and the counselor did not even bat an eyelash but instead showed them how to adjust their budget so that they'd qualify for the program. Even told them not to include any income they make "on the side" so that it looks better on paper. Oh and the big kicker was that they didn't have all their paperwork filled out because they had been on a cruise... um, yeah, good thing my Buford Pusser bat was safely at home. The other counselor was telling another couple to just lay back for the next year and take the free payments - not to be in too much of a hurry to make things right. "Why turn away free money?" We just shook our heads. All we got was a "contact your bank" and a smile. Um, yeah, we've been TRYING to for months.
The biggest problem is this - we have a VA loan. It makes my blood boil when I think that Oliver got shot for this country to receive those benefits - which basically let us buy a house with no money down. Because of that, we are having problems getting government help. We qualify under every bit of criteria - we had a drastic drop in income (over 30%, um yeah, let's try 80%), we had to be ontime with payments up until that event (yep, always), we have to be in arrears (we are now), etc... every single one of them we passed. And frankly, according to all the financial advice we had ever heard, we had done everything "right". At the time of Oliver's job loss, we were one payment from paying off the credit cards (including our move), we had 6 months of living expenses in the bank (just in case), we are frugal people and good stewards of our money, etc. and yet none of that has made any difference. We don't WANT to have the government's help. I hated having to apply for disability almost as much as I hated being denied. We hate having to apply for assistance to have a home to live in but hate even more that the bank won't even talk to us. On paper, it makes sense for them to let it go into foreclosure... they get immediately 40% of the note from the VA and they auction the house off and get the rest. They get 100% of their money back - no incentive to work with us. If we'd have been able to talk to a person at the bank, maybe they would. We haven't even been able to let them know that I've been diagnosed with a fatal lung disease. It's not that we're not willing to pay on the house, we are, we just need a little help here to lower our payments to be able to bring it within our budget. We didn't buy a house way out of our reach when we bought this. Actually our monthly payments decreased by over $500 a month over what we paid in Chicagoland. We both drive old, paid for cars and are extremely grateful to have them. Oliver's is on its last leg but so far, still hanging on, with spit and bubble gum.
So here we are. Do we start packing because we have to be out on the 4th? Can't even get an answer on that. Do we sit tight and hope that this program comes through and the bank accepts? They'll help us for the next year and then we can reapply for a mortgage break with the bank - but of course, we'll be right back where we are now because they won't work with us to lower our payments and let's face it, Oliver is not getting younger. Do we cut our losses now and just walk away and move down by Elii to spend time with him while I'm still alive? That is IF we can get someone to rent to us now that our credit is shot. My heart wants to be near Eli, no doubt. Ideally we'd love to be able to buy a house down there, but that won't happen. If we walk away, they said we'd be able to clean up our credit in a couple of years - time that I just don't have. I did find a house for sale online down there that I absolutely LOVE and that we would be able to afford - with a pool, but we can't get a loan - duh. All that does is add to the frustration. Rentals have become slim pickings for two reasons... one, Eglin Air Force Base is moving in a couple of hundred troops a month for their 7th Special Ops forces and two, there was a lightening storm that came through last weekend that burned down a dozen homes and all those people have to be put up for 3-6 months while their houses are being repaired. Plus we won't have time to get down there and look ourselves if we have to be out of here by the 4th. We have way too much packing to do, despite our best efforts to have pared down over the last 2 years of garage sales.
So far we have applied for social security disability for me - denied: food stamps - denied (Oliver's social security is $50 a year too much to qualify: programs to help with the house - still pending but we're running out of time: TennCare (health insurance for me) - denied but am reapplying: can't qualify for any other government help for me because I was denied social security disablity and was told I can't reapply for again until I'm 65 - I won't be alive for another 10 years, unless of course, I've been totally misdiagnosed and/or God decides to give me new lungs (which I am believing for).
So here are the pros and cons of each "move"....
Moving to FL pros:
Eli, Dan and Kim
my cousin Nancy (she lives in Pensacola)
Kim's family (we love them too and consider them family to us as well)
family holidays (which we haven't had in years)
the beach
warmer winters
Renting (less responsibility and most definitely smaller yards)
the yardwork on over an acre here in TN is overwhelming and I can no longer help - inside or outside the house
we have a couple of churches to choose from to go to and people we already know
restaurant choices - like REAL food... lol. (hey, you live in the boonies for a few years and you'll see what I mean)
Shopping besides Walmart - especially for groceries (ok that's a BIG pro... lol)
I can get my Mango Apricot Yogurt there (hey, I like it)
We'll still be able to see some of our friends from TN when they come down to visit (they go there already for vacations)
More craft shows to sell my jewelry
More possible part time job opportunities for Oliver (and family around to keep an eye on me if needed)
Local airport (no more driving 3 hours to pick up someone who comes to visit)
cutting our losses and moving on? probably - either way, we've lost on this house
Oliver will have family support if by some chance I don't get my healing and this ol' body gives out
Moving to FL cons:
expensive and finding a rental that accepts pets (can't give up Charlie - no way - he's family)
having to actually pack and move
losing all the money we have invested in this house and probably more
utilities and gas will cost more
the cost to actually move down there
hurricanes (not a big deal but a consideration - mostly due to power outages and my oxygen needs)
we signed a commitment to buy this house - we'd be walking away from that commitment and that's not us
we'd miss our church family and the exciting things happening at FPC
we'd miss our trees and greenery and openness
we'd miss our one stoplight town that we love so much and the people we have come to know and love
we'd miss this house, which is our home, and all the hopes and dreams we had hoped to experience in it
having to find new doctors although I can probably still travel to Vandy every 4 months if NEEDED
Traffic and a lot more people
much noisier with the planes and traffic
having to change over licensing of vehicles, etc.
the cost of car insurance is higher
the time factor - it's just too fast and I still don't feel well enough to handle it all RIGHT NOW
And these are just some of what I came up with off the top of my head. It's a tough decision, for sure. My heart wants to be by Eli but my head isn't so sure. I don't want to hurt him by coming into his life just to leave it again. I hate that we'd be trying to get out of a legal commitment. While we haven't done anything wrong up until this point - none of this was by erroneous choices we've made - that will change if we walk away without fighting. It may be already too late and out of our hands. On August 4th the sheriff may show up knocking on the door to move our stuff out on the dirt road. Stressful? You bet. Impossible? Probably not - but it will take a village of help to pull it off.
So now you can see why your prayers are so important. I honestly can say that I feel like the paralyzed man in the Bible that had to rely on his friends to bring him to Jesus' feet. I don't even know what to pray for. We've played by the rules all our lives. Good grief, I've only had 2 speeding tickets in all that time and not one parking ticket. Those same rules are doing us in. And then there are the prayers - half are praying for us to stay in TN and half are praying for us to move to FL. I feel like we're living on the 50 yard line of a Nebraska/Ohio football game and it can go either way... Which prayers are God listening to? We're tired. We should be entering a life of retirement and enjoying the fruits of our years and years of labor but instead we are struggling to just make it day to day. We can't travel, we can't afford to. All those vacations we didn't take because we didn't have the time and we needed to work, figuring we'd be able to make up for in retirement are just vacations lost. All those companies we gave our time, blood, sweat and tears to are nothing but distant memories. Are we down? Oh yeah. Are we out of the race? Not on your life. We are so grateful that God is still in control and we know that He already has the answers. Our biggest concern is that we hear His still small voice and act accordingly. Thanks again for "listening" to my rants and for praying for us. I don't like sharing my business and deepest feelings and emotions out in the open like this. For whatever reason, that is exactly what God is asking me to do right now and the last thing I want to do is be disobedient to Him.
We all have stereotypical beliefs on those who seek out government assistance. We call them lazy and figure they're there because of their own bad choices. I'm here to tell you that while that may be true in some instances, there are a whole bunch of us out here who are not in this position by choice. We are too old to believe that things will turn around for us or that we can make up the difference of funds lost. We were always told to work hard, be loyal to the company you work for, put in your time, pay your fair share, don't live above your means, and save for a rainy day. All things we did and yet here we are. We cringe when the email jokes come through and we cry at the unfairness of the system that we worked hard and paid into all those years. We wonder what kind of world Eli will grow up into. We would still encourage you to play by the "rules" that we have all our lives. It's strong financial advice. But please, don't look down on us for falling on hard times. "There but for the grace of God...." Be blessed, we are, even in the midst of this storm.
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